“Baby, what do you want me to do? Curl up and die with you?”
-Panic in Needle Park (1971)
Found to be Defective is a series that came from a place of self discovery and realization. I was drawn to extreme color lighting within my photography like an opiate. It drew me in, comforted me and coated my mind with a constant sensation of bliss and happiness. I could not see clearly, could not speak, only lived within an illusion of a perfect lifestyle: the relationship, the job, the apartment and the cat.
My job in a photo lab has been a dungeon within a fluorescent atmosphere. A place where I spend my time on weekends, living vicariously through other people’s vacation photos. I began to photograph my surroundings. Coating the dusty white walls with reflected light from colored bulbs, all just to make the space more attractive and comforting.
Within my home space, the environment soon became just as tight and toxic. Sharing space with a lover for whom I began to feel nothing towards. He was just another body, an object of flesh, hair and fat. I photographed him in a similar manner as the lab. All to comfort myself, to try to make his body more attractive to me. To once more be in love. Similar to the days where his colored lamp reflected on his dorm walls, a place where the relationship and inspiration began.
Through the act of photographing, the truth came forward. I was taking each photo instinctively with an unspoken purpose. For a truth was revealed which was hiding within the depths of my mind. I became aware that I was dissatisfied with my lab as well as my relationship. Devoid of joy, spontaneity, passion and chemistry. With these photographs I release myself from this lifestyle which has been found to be defective.